Mother’s Day after Losing Mom May 9, 2018

Celebrating Mother’s day is different now that mom has passed away. I miss my mom so much. I think of her when spring comes and remember how she loved dahlias and petunias. It was a yearly tradition that we children gave mom flowers on Mother’s Day. One person would give her a house plant, one or two a fresh bouquet, others might pitch in together to get large patio planters filled with dazzling displays of summer annuals.  In my mind, Mother’s Day and flowers will always go together.

 

The first year after mom passed away was the hardest. Mom had only been laid to rest a couple of weeks prior to the holiday. How do you celebrate when mom is gone? Honestly, the best I could do was be a silent companion to my seriously grieving father. He didn’t want to talk about mom. He didn’t want to see pictures. So, out of respect for our dad that first year we did not celebrate mother’s day in any way. Mourning had taken its toll. It actually felt real. We visited. We watched a little tv. We did not pretend everything was okay. We just accepted the loss.

 

The loss of mom is still with me every Mother’s Day. Sometimes, I wish Hallmark had never created this day. It brings back the sad part of losing mom rather than the happy parts of sharing a life with mom. Yet, there are many good memories of the times we gathered to honor our mother on Mother’s Day. I would not want to have missed all of those get-togethers over the years.

 

Now, I honor and remember my mother by planting dahlias and petunias in the garden every year on Mother’s Day. The loss is still there, but the pain is mellowing to a longing for her presence. Perhaps planting flowers to honor your mom would make Mother’s Day a better day for you as well? Try it. You will find out for yourself how healing it can be to remember your mother in this way.

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