Reflecting on Mothers Day After a Loss May 10, 2019

Mothers day

Everyone has a story about their relationship with their mother.  For some it’s a story of unconditional love and acceptance. For others it’s a story of what is supposed to be but wasn’t.  Some stories have pieces of both. “She tried her best, but these are the following ways she has affected me negatively.” For most, the depth of a mother’s love is indescribable.  When a woman has carried a child for 9 months and felt the baby grow and develop the bond and the love is formed even before they meet face to face. In the same way an adoptive mother has the same kind of love for a child who was lovingly chosen. As mothers day come around each year, it’s natural for us to reflect on our relationships with our mothers.

Health of the Mother-Child Relationship Varies

Some children feel both deeply loved and hurt by our mothers. Many of our childhood memories relate back to the relationship with our mothers. Our mothers are often our life blood. They give us a soft place to land or a harsh reality to reflect on.  Even in the tug-o-war of what is the mother child relationship, there is an undeniable need to have the unconditional love of mom. If we do not have it the feeling is that of missing out on something that is “supposed” to be. To be loved by a mother is a given in life and if you do not have that it can be a place of pain and sorrow.  When you are secure in your mother’s love the security can extend into all of life.

As mothers day approaches many of us reflect on our relationships with our own mothers. And if we are mothers we think about our relationship as a mother to our children. We think of the regrets we have in relation to the past and present as well as all that we are thankful for.  

Stories of Mothers Lost

When you are dealing with the death of your mother even more feelings come up around this time of year.  Maybe it is a recent loss or maybe years and years have gone by. There is no time that can pass that will make you miss her less. When a mother is gone, there is so much that goes with it.

A woman who was in her late 60’s shared that when her mother passed she felt as though she was an orphan with no parents. She felt alone. Now this woman was well into her 60’s had children of her own and grandchildren as well. She lived an independent life and was a normal functioning adult. When it came to her mother, she was always her little girl, even as she passed midlife. This goes to show that the relationship we have with mothers no matter the ups and downs is one of pure connection.  

Another woman in her early 60s had an entirely different relationship with her mother. Her mother was abusive emotionally.  When this woman was a young girl her mom would tell her, “I’m not your real mother”, and “nobody really loves you.” She always had a very painful relationship that caused many scars through her life.  When her mother passed she felt some relief but also much regret because she never got to reconcile that relationship and never felt the love of her mother. Even when treated very poorly we still desire that unconditional love that “only a mother can give”.

Take Time to Reflect on Mothers Day

This mothers day reflect on your relationship with your mother. I hope that you can all have loving memories and positive experiences to reflect on. If you can’t, know that even in great pain we can learn and gain so much. Surely your relationship with your mother, for better or worse has made you stronger.


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