“Cause you never think the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.”
The message that shakes your world to its core. “Your sister has collapsed, they think it was an aneurysm.”
Just two days ago we celebrated all together at a wedding. Joy and happiness was in the air. Drinks were poured as glasses were raised to the happy bride and groom. Clink, clink clink was the sound that filled the air as the guests gently tapped their forks against the champagne glasses urging the newly weds to express their love with a kiss. Aunts and uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters. All traveled to the rustic lodge crafted from dark brown logs that sat on the banks of a sprawling lake. They came together to celebrate the newlyweds and to spend quality time with family.
She was there. She sipped champagne and danced all night long. Her young adult and teenage children spoke lovingly of her. She joked with the family and catered to her children even though they were passed the age of needing her to. She was so full of life. Never in a million years did they think this would be the last cookout they’d spend with her. Never did they think that this would be the last wedding of her lifetime. She would not even get to see her own children marry. Never would they have thought that when they hugged her goodbye it would be the last time they saw her alive. She was so full of life and now she is no longer living.
When someone passes away so suddenly and unexpectedly it’s like a thousand punches to the gut. How could it be? What if we could just go back in time and change something, would she still be here? So many questions and regrets. Surely it is all just a horrible dream. You eventually fall asleep out of pure exhaustion, when you wake up it is the absolute worst feeling you have ever had to realize that it is true and she is really gone.
The first couple of days you wait to hear her voice. For a second you think that you do. You have a question you need to ask her, but soon the pain washes over you again as you realize she is not there and she never will be again. All the memories, all the love. How can life be so fleeting? How can someone be so intensely alive in one moment and gone the next?
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” A quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. If you find yourself grieving an unexpected loss find support from loved ones and grief support groups. You are not alone.