When we are finally able to move out of the denial stage of our loss we often become angry. Anger can manifest itself in many ways. Without a healthy outlet for anger it can turn into an impairment and affect our mental and physical health. Unresolved anger often turns into resentment for others or self. We want someone to take blame for the pain we are in.
As resentment takes root in our hearts and minds it can settle there for years and even decades for some. Some people can never move out of this stage. Unresolved resentment is often where addictions start. Whether it is a few drinks to deal with the anger, emotional eating or even electronics. There is an endless list of vices that people may turn to when resentment sits unresolved. These things are used to distract from the true feelings and to move focus away from revealing areas of unforgiveness.
Living with Unmet Expectations
A lot of anger can come from unmet expectations. This is certainly true in any relationship such as marriage or friendship. Unmet expectations are likely the biggest reason for unrest, and eventual anger and resentment, in loss as well.
How does this come into play when dealing with grief and loss. In truth, loss is just one giant unmet expectation. There is no greater loss than the death of a loved one. We come into the world with high expectations for a healthy and long life, anything outside of that goes against those expectations and creates massive loss and grief. These unmet expectations can create resentment in us. Whether it’s resentment for ourself or for the one who unexpectedly left us through death. Resentment breeds self pity which can lead to a multitude of ways of dealing with it.
If you are experiencing resentment about a loss in your life, ask yourself where am I harboring unforgiveness? Is there someone I need to forgive? Do I need to forgive myself? Do I need to forgive the one who has died? Once we answer this question we can start to move toward forgiveness which can release pain and lead us towards more fulfillment in the life we have.