How to Deal with the Bargaining Phase of Grief February 27, 2020

Bargaining Phase Of Grief

Grief is inevitable in the life of any human. We all experience loss at some point in life. It could be loss of our youth, loss of job, loss of a pet or even the death of a loved one. There are many many ways that we experience loss throughout life and grief comes along with these losses.  One of the biggest causes of an unbalanced life is when those losses and the grief associated with it get pushed to the wayside. Everyone deals with grief differently. Some face it head on and others try to avoid it at all costs.  


Understanding the Stages of Grief May Help

For some bargaining is part of their grief process. Whether with themselves or with God, bargaining is used as a way around grief. When you understand that bargaining is one of the stages of grief, it may help you to realize that it’s part of the process, but it is not the ending point.


Tips for Dealing With the Bargaining Phase of Grief

You can not go around grief, you must go through it.  You may be able to numb the pain for a time but it will come back rearing its ugly head. Instead of avoiding it, here are some tips to deal with the bargaining phase of grief.


  1. Realize that death is final, you can’t change the past. This may be obvious, but often in our grief, we obsess about what we should have done differently. For good or worse, the past is in the past.
  2. Leave the past behind. If you are dealing with regrets about the past, use this as a time to reflect on how you would like to change your present. Did you not spend enough time with your loved ones? Make it a point to schedule family meals or nights out with friends. Whatever you were missing, add it to your life now.
  3. This isn’t a time to place blame. Because the past is in the past, placing blame on anyone, including yourself isn’t helpful. Go back to tip #2 and if you feel like someone is to blame, do what you can to change your present so the same thing doesn’t happen again. You can’t change the past, but you can change your future.
  4. Understand how repressed grief affects your body. Often anxiety and depression is simply grief and loss that has never been processed. Talk to a grief counselor, a trusted friend or journal about what you’re going through. This may help you process your emotions.


Even though it is hard, face your feelings head on. Sit down and talk or write and dig deep into your feelings. Find grief support and connect with others who have been where you have been. Even though the grief may always be present in some way, there are ways for you to find healing.

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